Mentoring Is About Confidence And Courage

I had the pleasure of speaking with Richard Saul Wurman (Founder of the TED Conferences and most recently The WWW Conference) again today. I’m embarking on a journey to demystify mentoring – and I knew Richard would be an amazing person to call and ask for help kicking off that journey.

Richard, of course, immediately shifted the paradigm of what most people think mentoring is. His explanation opens new doors and requires an open mind and some guts to make things happen. Here are a few things we talked about.

MENTORING ISN’T WHAT MOST PEOPLE THINK IT IS

Most people think of mentoring as something that happens when a younger person seeks out an older person to learn from their lifetime and wealth of knowledge. That definitely can be the way it happens. Sometimes.

But that doesn’t have to be the only way and that shouldn’t be the only way…

WHY?

MENTORING IS NOT ABOUT GREY HAIR AND ANCIENT WISDOM

Richard went on to say mentoring is about learning from someone smarter than you. He told me the story of how he purchased a book on his Amazon Kindle this week about “Information Architecture” (a term he coined and a methodology he invented). After paging through the book overnight he was beyond impressed with the author. Richard said “The guy explained some parts of Information Architecture better than I have…” So he reached out to the author to set up a conversation with the hopes of being mentored by the author.

The author is (probably) in his thirties.

That exemplifies and shatters the paradigm that a mentor has to be older than you. They just have to be more knowledgeable than you in some area; and you have to know what you’re looking for.

Since it’s not about age – that means…

MENTORING IS ABOUT CONFIDENCE AND COURAGE

A lot of people put mentors on a pedestal or somehow view themselves as “lower” than the mentor; especially if that person has what you deem to be a high social status. Being around someone like that can build your self-confidence. Have you ever had someone say something like this to you? “Hey, guess what – I talked to (insert a fancy title, celebrity name or something like that here) today!” It can become about bragging rights. But it shouldn’t be.

I love the phrase “It’s not who you know – it’s who knows YOU.” This applies perfectly to mentoring. Just because you get a “photo opp” with someone doesn’t mean you know them. You met them once, took a picture and maybe posted that picture all over social media. But you can’t call them the next day.

If you want to find mentors you need to move beyond “photo opps”. If you want to build mentoring relationships you need to know…

HOW?

CONFIDENCE: TO PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR PRESENCE

Recently a friend mentioned the phenomenon of the “10,000 lb phone”. She referred to it as that moment in sales or any other area of your life when you’d rather do anything than make “that call”. This relates to mentoring…

First you have to have the self-confidence (even if this means building yourself up enough to pick up the “10,000 lb phone” and make the call) to approach your potential mentor in the first place. Regardless of who they are, just think about: Their genius and why you’re calling them in the first place. You’re calling for help – and chances are excellent that at some point in their life THEY made that same call. And someone helped THEM.

Mentors want to give back. Help them give back by having…

COURAGE: TO ASK

Once you make the call or walk in the door you have to have courage to ask for help. Many people are afraid to look vulnerable. We’re taught to “fake it ‘till we make it” and “always put on a happy face”. If you never talk about your challenges – how can anyone ever help you with those challenges? If your life is presented as perfect then I have nothing to help you with.

Tell them WHY you’re calling. Then (this is important) tell them specifically why you called them. Let them know you did your homework and show them some immediate respect. You’ll be amazed at how this will change your conversation.

With a little practice you’ll be amazed at how those conversations will change your life.

Who can YOU build up the confidence to call and then have the courage to ask to help you – TODAY?